hurt

I wish God would give me the strength to be strong to get over this fight:( Robert leaving me after 4 years has been one of the worst things I have dealt with... someone ive loved for 4 years just up and leaving... god give me strength to know that its for the better possibly... my poor boys have no idea why daddy isnt coming home.. I really honestly dont myself... and poor kemper asks me where is daddy, when is daddy coming home and for tryin to tell him its the worse thing ever... I have no idea how to tell him, i just have been teling him hes at work but eventually he will catch on that daddy isnt coming home... I dont know what I did to deserve this... I know i didnt do anything wrong but it still doesnt help with the pain I feel:( anyhow thats about it... im tore, hurt, lonely, unsure of where life is going to bring me:(

NOT ME MONDAY!!!!

It was not my child that learned a dance to swing around his hips while holding onto his pee pee , and he does this anywhere...

It was not my child that learned to say "pull my finger, I gotta fart" and says it to anyone he sees, strangers or not:( why me lol

It was not my child (my youngest) that wants more then anything to pee in his new urinal but would rather put his pee pee in there and push the flush button instead and let it run on his pee pee instead and giggle...

It was not my child that I lied to (just a little) and told him mommy had to go to the Doctors ( ER) when I was really takin him and when doctor came in and asked what was wrong he said mommy butt hurts.. ouch... I cant let him know anything lol I swear I turned redder then a cherry when the doctor looked to me and said oh really lol... gosh

It was not my child in a mall full of tons of people all with open ears to hear my oldest son say while we walked past victoria secrects, look mom boobies... oh gosh, why me lol

It was not my child in a public restroom to say mommy I can wipe your butt for you, Your always so nice and do mine... Yikes, and I hear giggles from about the bathroom lol

My heart aches

I have a pretty good friend, well at least I feel like shes a good friend, weve been friends for years, we only see each other once in a great while, but we always know we are there for each other, shes such a great friend, I was and am dissapointed I wasnt a better friend to know what she was going thru ahead of time... where was I? how did I not know? I usually stay up with her life on facebook or myspace, but now I have finally got her blog as well...

anyhow this good friend of mine is going thru a very rough time that i would never dream upon happening to me or anyone I love or whatever... I love this girl and I feel extremely bad, when she told me basically before she told anyone else that she was preggo, I was so excited, I couldnt and cant wait to meet little "turkey" as she calls the baby... then it was time to find out what she was having and I was even more excited to find out what I was going to be an aunt too... a girl, a beautiful little girl, an Angel... I even considered some names for her, esp being named after her auntie that loves her dear... But that didnt fly lol...

Yesterday came the devastating news to me that baby didnt make it... and my friend will sadly have to go thru labor just to have her baby that will be born not alive... this saddens me, this hurts so bad... its not even me and I can feel the pain... I wish there was something I could do to change this, but there isnt, Im not god, I cant bring her back to life... I cant tell her its okay because shes not gonna be okay, its gonna be hard, its gonna hurt... I never thought I would have to watch any family or friend or anyone go thru this... I am very excited to meet little Emma Angel... shes going to be so beautiful... I get to go up and see her and possibly hold her after she gives birth to her before they take her and get her ready for her funeral...

Please keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers... this is a very tragic time for her... first baby... she was so happy and still is dont get me wrong... this is still her baby girl and always will be... there is more times to come when she will have more babies... but nothing will ever fill this void this hurt... I just wish that I could take her pain away... I just wish this wasnt my friend it was happening too, or anyone at that... but I cant wait to meet little Emma Angel... what a blessing my friend is letting me meet her...


on another note, the boys are good, gettin ready for kempers birthday party... gonna be a good time, tons of food and cake and ice cream:)

I want another baby but robert isnt having it, i really want one really bad but oh well what do you do, gotta be on the same note with your partener lol and its a no go for him... anyhow thats it for now, my heart is just really hurt:(

Please pray

Potty trained?

So megs, remi is gettin to the point where he likes to snuggle with stuffed animals, he doesnt have a favorite yet, Hmm auntie megs gonna get him one like kempy? lol... I love ya girl...

So everything is going great, remi was really fussy the last few nights for me to see yesterday that low and behold one of his ears are infected already, what the heck, so I called doc immediatly and they sent me over a new ear drop, I hope this takes care of it, I mean he just got new tubes why are they infected already, ugh... stress...

anywho remi is gettin himself a little pet... I cant wait to get it for him, but its gonna be awhile still lol... but I will show you all when he gets it... hes def excited...

Kemper is gettin ready for school... already has his physical, and then he has his dental next month and we will get the letter in augs if he gets in or not, if not next year for sure:)

OMG guess what? Remi peed on the toilet the other day, no joke, He came in there pulling at his diaper and pointing at toilet, (he sees kemper go all the time) so I took his diaper off and sat him up there, sure enough he peed, took him a min but he peed, thats a start, now i gotta go get him that cute frog toilet from walmart, so i can set it in the livingroom and he can go all the time... im excited, Kemper was so easy, i must be blessed... looks like remi will be too:)

I have a few prayer request, a man Robert worked with is very sick, he moved to hawaii about a year ago, got bite by a spider in 3 dif spots they cut them open to release them now he has mrsa, and its not in his blood stream thank god but if it does they give him 2 days to live, please pray it makes its way out before it gets that far... His daughter had her baby 2 or 3 days after remi was born :) so cute

my good friend and I oh and her sister:) took the boys to grand haven to the Imagination station... we had so much fun, here is a few pictures it was so much fun:)

Please pray for remi to feel better soon...

hmm I had a few more where they went I have no idea I cant remember:( But as soon as they come too I will post, IM off to pray now and go to bed...

Kemp Cellulitis

Well lets see... Wednesday afternoon a good friend of mine and I found this weird swollen inside part of the ankle on Kemp (my oldest) around 3 ish or 330 ish, it was very very red, hot to the touch and very swollen... I washed it really well thinking he got into something, didnt see anything and it felt very very hard, in that area... So I called the doctor they told me to give him benedryl to see if it went down and what not, they called me at about quarter to 5 to check on him still the same they told me to take him to ER... So I did so... when I got into there the doctor was very rude to me, Im thinking his peds sent me in here, why are you being rude to me... they figure because its not that big of an emergency, well so he said it wasnt, the heck it wasnt thank god I called his doc in the morning and got him in... the ER gave us an antibotic which we started that night... i got him into his peds in the morning, oh wait, let me tell you what they said at the ER they said it was cellulitis (sp?) which it was and is... so I take him to Peds where it had spread up his leg... Kemp in very much pain... the ER told me to put Ice on it, umm wrong you put heat on it, 3-4 times a day, it needed to be cleaned out with soap and water alot all day and night long, it needed to be elevated, and marked with pen to see how far it spread... oh and that he shouldnt wear shoes or socks ect... lovely that the ER didnt tell me any of this, they acted like it was nothing... thank god for his peds... so they sent us home after markin up his leg, said to keep up with his meds, and give him IBU for pain... which wasnt cutting it but we dealt with it... and he did a good job, such a trooper... so today they called to check on us and its doing great, it all went down, doc said it might flare up one more time but then will be done, but so far it hasnt so we might be good, oh and they say it looks like a spider bite that infected under the skin, ouch and lovely and where did he get bite, our neighbor is a bug guy lol if you know what i mean, and he sprays our house for everything, i never see bugs here lol or at least in my house or near it lol... so I have no idea, but all in all he is okay and safe,


Remi is doing great with his tubes, can hear so much better, which is a good sign he didnt lose hearing, but if he did I dont know how much... he still loves loud noises though lol...

anywho im off to bed, im not feeling well

thanks for reading, if you read this please comment, and pass on my story please

Updates and more updates remi surgery

Remis first birthday cake

few days after remi came home from DeVos NICU hes already over a month old in this pic, but cant tell, he was so small

My oldest Kemper

Me (momma) , Remi, Kemper, and auntie jill

Remi now days being silly

Sorry everyone its been awhile... Been very busy..

Remis surgery on monday went well, better then I had expected, His surgery if you dont know was for his replacement of tubes and adnoids... this tubes were not working properly so they needed to be removed and new ones replaced... come to find out his adnoids were very small and were not causing any problems at all for him... so they didnt have to remove those, although he could use to have his tonsils out but he is way to young for that... well if they get bad enough they will take them out, they are tryin to clear his airway as much as possible to help his lungs get the full extent of working they should have, and right now they arent which is causing a hard time for them to finish and correctly develope... so needless to say only his tubes were done monday, but they had a hard time gettin his old tubes out so they did send home with some pain meds in which I dont use, he doesnt appear to be in any pain, only at night time in which I give him tylenol for... hes doing great...

Yesterday I worked all day long very hard cleaning out the play room for them, somehow there father thinks its his junk room and shoves all his junk in there, making it hard for them to play in... the boys uncle ricky is a painter and is gonna come paint the room for remi, two walls will be fire engine red and the other two walls will be the chalk board stuff so he can draw on them when older and erase them:) I think he will really like this, I am also looking for a race car toddler bed for him, so we can get him out of his crib, he is still young but this transition wont be done for awhile so by the time we do it he will be ready:)

Kemper will be starting school next year I hope... hes at least on the waiting list and hopefully will get a place, hes bday is in july so he should have a good chance... I am excited, hes already so smart but I know him being in school will help him... hes been very naughty lately, acting out im assuming but why i have no idea, he gets alot of attention and is included in everything so I am not sure whats going on, he is now starting to be more distant what I mean by that is he will now go places away from me for more then a min, before he wouldnt not let me leave his side, he will now go with his aunt or with my mom or grandpa for a few hours... he wants to come back home before bed which is fine but I hope he starts gettin to the point where he can stay away too, this mommy needs a break... yikes...

its summer, yay... I cant wait for beaches, bike rides, walks, parks its going to be such a great summer with my boys:) I just cant wait, the hubby is home everynight and only off on sundays but I just know we will have alot of time as a family and be able to enjoy this summer:) we have tons of cookouts at my moms, so its gonna be great:)

Ive lost alot of weight, I went from a size 20 to a size 14 in about a month, so im doing pretty good id say... I want to lose more and will once i start riding my bike this summer:) cant wait...

anywho just wanted to update you all on remis surgery... pics above hope you enjoyed, they were suppost to be at the end but im not to good at this yet:(

sosososso tired, Will update more tomorrow I promise, sorry its been so long megs:( your the only one that reads this I think:) Help me get more